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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23796427">I don’t want tomorrow to come</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hey_im_okay/pseuds/hey_im_okay'>hey_im_okay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bad Parents, Bang Chan &amp; Seo Changbin are Best Friends, Bang Chan is Whipped, Boys In Love, Bullying, ChanLix, Comfort/Angst, Complete, Crying, First Dates, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Group chat, Han Jisung | Han &amp; Lee Felix are Best Friends, Healthy Relationships, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I.N hyunjin and seungmin arent really part of the story, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is a Sweetheart, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minho Ships It, No one dies!, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Please Don't Kill Me, Protective Minho, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sassy Minho, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Shy Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Sweet Hwang Hyunjin, The Author Regrets Nothing, Triggers, and everthing at the same time, but they are still here, chaotic - Freeform, felix has a lot of ex's, felix is scared to date, jisung is a good friend, mentions of cheating, starts cute but gets sad, woojin has been removed from new chapters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:07:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,091</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23796427</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hey_im_okay/pseuds/hey_im_okay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>2:23 am</p><p>Memelix:<br/>I don’t want tomorrow to come.</p><p>2:50 am</p><p>Urboichan:<br/>Lix? What do you mean?</p><p>3:00 am</p><p>Urboichan:<br/>Lix??</p><p>3:12 am</p><p>Memelix:<br/>I’m sorry.</p><p> </p><p>Memelix has left the chat</p><p> </p><p> <br/>COMPLETE!!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bang Chan/Lee Felix, side ships - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>346</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Why am I here???</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> has added</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>to ‘HA gayyy!’</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>5:23 pm</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>welcome you innocent bean!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>jisung? who did you add??</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>did you add a stranger by accident again?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince</strong>
</p><p>no u dumb boi if it was a accident why would he say hi?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>don't be rude hyunjin</p><p>now jisung who's ur friend?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>thank you woojin!</p><p>at least ur not mean to me like everyone else :(</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark </strong>
</p><p>Are you gonna tell us or what?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>oh yeah!</p><p>guys this is my new friend! </p><p>he a shy boy .-.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince</strong>
</p><p>is is the same 'shy boy' you keep talking about?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>oh my god we finally get to meet him!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>i mean we aren't meeting him really</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>I mean it still counts as meeting him trough text?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>does it matter? can we just meet him already? -_-</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>as i said he's shy so give him a sec</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>baby</strong>
</p><p>let him text when he wants to</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>hello</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>he speaks!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>baby</strong>
</p><p>hi!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>welcome</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>nice to meet you</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>hi! whats your name?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>oh! i forgot to introduce you all!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>it would help</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>my name is felix! :)</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>im woojin</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>im changbin</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>(more like short but okay)</p><p>im minho</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>(how dare you)</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>well I mean its in my username but im chan</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>baby</strong>
</p><p>jeongin</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince</strong>
</p><p>hyunjin</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine</strong>
</p><p>seungmin</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>you know me!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>nice to meet all of u!</p><p>^_^</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>lix! do u wanna meet at my house and watch old vines?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>was there road work ahead?</p><p>ill meet u there in a few minutes just gotta finish washing out my hair dye!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>Oooo cant wait to see it! ill set up the video while i wait</p><p>i got snacks too!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>oh god I feel like there's 2 jisung's</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>god please no</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>rude!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>ji u know i love you but i cant handle 2 of you</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>:(</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine</strong>
</p><p>*:)</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>im here!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>well im gonna go sleep</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>no ur not</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>when do u sleep?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear </strong>
</p><p>are you okay? are you sick?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>baby</strong>
</p><p>since when do you sleep???</p><p> </p><p><strong>sunshine</strong> </p><p>hardly doubt that</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince </strong>
</p><p>i dont think you will but sure</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>wow at the same time?</p><p>ur all mean</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>sleep well channie!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>felix you are now my best friend</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>yay okay! (^_^)/</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>rude but understandable</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I’ll meet you tomorrow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just so you know<br/>I’m homeschooled so my knowledge on how a actual school works is very little so if I get anything wrong please tell me so I can correct it :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A week later </p><p>
  <strong>‘HA gayyy’</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>5:47 pm</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>I have news!</p><p>@Squirrel_boi™</p><p>@Squirrel_boi™</p><p>@Squirrel_boi™</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>I’m here! What’s the news lixie?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>well tomorrow is Monday so i finally get to go to ur school!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
</p><p>we finally get to see what you look like</p><p>
  
  <br/>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>he is so cute and his voice! oh damn u all gonna be shook!</p><p>but he never takes off his face mask</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>why?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>its kinda private...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>baby</strong>
</p><p>that's fine! :)</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince </strong>
</p><p>oml he even sounds cute</p><p>i wanna give u all my uwus</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>UwU thank u</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Minbitch</strong>
</p><p>so what classes do you have?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix </strong>
</p><p>i wont know until tomorrow</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>i cant wait to hug you</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>??? why would you hug me? not that i dont like hugs</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine</strong>
</p><p>well jisung keeps saying you give amazing hugs so now we all wanna hug you</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <br/>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>its true his hugs are the best!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>wow thanks &gt;:(</p><p> </p><p> <br/><strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong></p><p>nooo minho ur hugs arre so good! dont be mad at meeeeee :(</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>baby</strong>
</p><p>ew gay</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>they are gay</p><p>we all are</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine</strong>
</p><p>i get the fist hug!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>no i said i wanted the first hug!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear </strong>
</p><p>okayyyy lets not agrue about who gets to hug felix first</p><p>the first person to meet him will get the first hug okay?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>fine</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine</strong>
</p><p>:( okay</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>good </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince </strong>
</p><p>oh yeah</p><p>Felix why are you going to a new school anyway?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>well im not from korea so i used to be bad at korean and my old school made fun of me for it so i went to another school and tried to learn more korean but they sttill made fun of me and so i finally learned enough korean and changed schools again and here i am .-.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>tell me the name of the school and the kids names so I can kill them for being mean to such a amazing person</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>woojin encouraging violence??!! </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine</strong>
</p><p>woojin talking about <em>him</em> doing violence??!!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>go woojin! kick their ass</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>thank you but im fine now</p><p>i don't even see them anymore</p><p> </p><p> <br/><strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong></p><p>who could hurt someone so cute??</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince</strong>
</p><p>someone who needs to die</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>agreed</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>heh thanks  guys :')</p><p>i  gtg</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <br/>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>BYE :))))</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. meet you today</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know nothing about Korean schools so I had to look up a lot for this chapter</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>                                                                                                   the next day</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>7:00 am</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>Ooooo we finally get to meet mystery boy!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>hes not a mystery we know who he is</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince</strong>
</p><p>1) vhan ur dumb</p><p>2) cant wait to meet you felix!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>vhan</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>baby</strong>
</p><p>there's no coming back from this vhan</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan </strong>
</p><p>oh god </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>'mamabear' has changed 'urboichan' name to 'urboivhan'</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboivhan</strong>
</p><p>woojin!?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™ </strong>
</p><p>as funny as this is </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine</strong>
</p><p>its hilarious</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>yes but felix r u up? </p><p>don't be late!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>im up! I still have 28 minutes and the schools not far</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboivhan</strong>
</p><p>hope you get there safe</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>thanks vhan!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboivhan</strong>
</p><p>god no not you too!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine</strong>
</p><p>yes </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>sorry vhan!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Felix sighed as he put his phone down. standing up and heading downstairs where his grandma was watching TV, he loved his grandma deeply as she was the only one who believed in him. she was very sweet but he hated making her sad which is why he would never tell her his problems in fear of making her upset</p><p> </p><p>he wouldn't be able to handle knowing he makes her sad because of his problems that aren't important.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>he arrived at the school early, after getting his schedule he started walking around as he still had few minutes to spare. while looking around someone bumped into him, looking up as the other person started speaking "sorry i wasn't looking" he gave the slightly taller man a small smile to let him know it was fine only to remember that he had his mask on so he spoke "its fine" he watched as the other's eyes widened "wow your voice is-" "really deep i know i get it a lot" felix cut him off "im chan by the way" he giggled slightly before replying "oh! vhan!" felix spoke waving his hand at chan "how do y- oh wait felix?" "heh yup!" chan's smile got wider and he pulled felix into a hug, felix was confused at first but then he remembered the chat from yesterday and wraped his arms around chan "oh my gad they were right you give such good hug!" chan pulled away and finally taking in Felix's appearance, he had light purple hair that looked really soft, brown eyes that had a small shine to them, he was wearing a white t-shirt with a denim jacket,he was wearing a necklace with a pink microphone and had a dark blue mask on. while chan looked at felix, felix looked at chan, he had brown hair, soft brown eyes, he had a black t-shirt on with a leather jacket and his phone in his hand. "well im glad i finally get to meet you" he wrapped his arm around felix shoulder "whats your first class?" felix looked down at his schedule then looked back up to chan with a innocent look in his eye's that made chan's heart flutter slightly "science" chan smiled at him "so do I! lets walk there together and after you can meet everyone else at lunch!" "sounds good to me" felix replied and they started walking to the class with 5 minutes to spare but the class wasnt far so it didnt take long and soon they were at the classroom, felix was told to intuduce himself and he did  -leaving out the fact he was from Australia- and the class went on. chan would glance at felix from time to time seeing his face turn serious and feeling his heart flip again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>felix will meet everyone else soon!    </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>:)</strong>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. so it begins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>when I write I listen to comedy stand up/songs<br/>because it helps me write more (I don't know why it just does)<br/>the the person I was listening to was talking about motivation and it really helped me write this.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>i changed their age for korean schools</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>all of their ages</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>felix:17</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>jisung:17</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>chan: 19</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>woojin:19</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Minho:18</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>seungmin:17 </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>hyunjin:18</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>changbin:18 </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>jeongin:16</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>'HA gayyy'</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboivhan</strong>
</p><p>HA i met im before any of you!</p><p>and jisung you were right! his hugs are amazing and his voice is just wow!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch </strong>
</p><p>'jisung you were right' is a sentence that should never exist</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>RO0D!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>awww i wanted to hug him first</p><p>:(</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>its okay binnie! ill hug you too! </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark </strong>
</p><p>:)</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear </strong>
</p><p>where are you 2 anyway?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince</strong>
</p><p>yeah  we're already at the lunch table</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboivhan</strong>
</p><p>we're on our way! </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p>chan and felix were walking to where everyone else was, Chan had his arm around felix's shoulder as they walked.</p><p>"and that's how i fell in a pond!" felix was giggling uncontrollably at chan's story i"i mean that duck came out of nowhere" chan turned to look at the giggling boy next to him and smiled wide at the magical sound coming out of him, felix turned to him and stoped giggling and blushed, chan couldn't see the blush but he could see his ear's go red and he luaghed slightly. shaking his head felix luaghed "how does a duck make you jump?" he giggled "i honestly dont know! but hyunjin wont let me forget about it" they talked the rest of the way there.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"lixie! chan!" they heard jisung yell loudly from a table not too far, getting a odd look as he waved them over.</p><p>when they got there jisung immediately hugged felix, almost knocking them to the floor, felix giggled when he was let go.</p><p>turning to everyone else that was sat down "oh right i guess we need to tell you who's who" he smiled "im jeongin" a small boy smiled, he had a wide smile, innocent eyes, looked young and had red hair and dark brown eyes. " hyunjin" the boy waved, he had black hair and dark eyes and he looked scary at first but the smile on his face made him look kind. "changbin" he had super light brown hair hair, dark eye's and had a earing in. "seungmin!" the boy smiled and waved, he had dirty blonde hair and eye's that shined. "Minho" he had dark brown hair and his eye's were light brown. "and im woojin!" he had light blue hair and loving eye's.</p><p> </p><p>felix waved at them "hello" he watched as everyone's eyes widened - minus jisung and chan- at his voice "okay thats freaky" "oh my god that's so cool!" minho spoke at the same time as seungmin. he and chan sat down "your voicee does not match your face at all" changbin said while staring at him "i know i get it a lot" he smiled at all of them but they couldnt see it "im glad i finally get to meet you all. jisung wouldnt stop talking about how excited hewas to show me off to you all" jisung smiled.</p><p> </p><p>the conversation flowed easyer then he thought it would, he was affraid it would be more awkward with him there but it wasnt and felix found himself joining in.</p><p>"no,losing your eyes does not count as sleeping chan!" woojin yelled slightly with concern in his voice "wait it doesn't?" felix replied and the fact that he actually sounded confused made everyone turn to him "of coruse it doesn't!" woojin said with worry "oh well then i need to rethink my life" everyone luaghed at that "hey, felix i know you said it was private but why do you wear that mask? its really hot right now"  hyunjin asked, felix smiled "i got made fun of my face in my old school and i dont want it to happen here" chan felt a strong need to protect felix "you know we wouldnt make fun of you right?" changbin said "i know!" felix put his hands up shaking his head as he luaghed slightly "i just dont want others to see" "well.." minho started "no one's here now.....can we see??" felix looked around for a second and when he didnt see anyone he turned back "okay" everyone's smile's went wide and chan was excited to see his face, he was sure his face was going to be beautiful and he couldnt wait to see them when he blushed.</p><p> </p><p>looking down and lifting his hands to his face as he pulled off his mask and looked back up and revealed his freckles, everyone went silent as they stared at him, he blushed slightly from all the attention until chan whispered next to him "beautiful.." his blush deepened "wow there like star's!" jisung spoke "its true wow" seungmin agreed, everyone was complmenting him and he couldnt stop blushing. chan just watched him with a fond smile giving his own complments from time to time.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>once everyone was done talking about felix's freckles they started talking about other things again and felix couldnt help but be glad he meet them all.                        </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. promise?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>sorry I haven't uploaded<br/>I would say I've been busy but I've really just been lazy</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>it had been a month and everything was fine, sure felix had day's he felt down but other than that everything was fine, it was all going fine but then something had to ruin it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>felix was in the school bathroom and took of his mask to splash his face with water as it was hot outside. he looked in the mirror for a second before taking off his mask and cupping the water in his hands and splashed the water in his face and then rubbing the water out his eyes and looking up. he saw a guy behind him in the mirror watching him with his arms crossed over his chest and a smirk on his face. Felix recognised him straight away as he was one of the boy's from his old school that would make fun of him and he immediately tried to leave, as he walked past him he felt him grab the collar of his shirt "and where do you think you're going freak face?" felix felt his breath quicken at those words as memories of what they used to say and do to him flashed in his head, "how did you even know I was here??" he tried to keep the fear out of his voice but he could tell it didn't work when the other laughed "that's not important right now" the boy pushed Felix further into the bathroom and turned to face him "what is important is that thanks to you your old friend told my parents about what I did and now they are making me stay at school longer to help the teachers!" he yelled and Felix took a step back, the other boy taking a step forward "you're worthless!" Felix felt like his knees were going to give out at any second "I honestly don't know how you made friends with that face of yours!" he felt like he couldn't breath, like he didn't have control over his own body.</p><p>when the guy got hardly no reaction from Felix he gave up "ugh why am I even wasting my time on you?!" he turned to leave but not before saying one last thing "im sure you haven't forgot the others? well they'll fine you too" he laughed again and left, shutting the bathroom door behind him.</p><p>as soon as the door shut Felix felt his knees finally give out as he fell to the floor, he pushed himself up against the wall bringing his knees to his chest as he felt like no air was getting to his lungs, as he breathed heavily trying to get air in, he grabbed his phone from his pocket and with shaking hands he went to his messages - he was going to call someone but he didn't think he would be able to talk- and clicked the first contact he saw </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix &amp; urboivhan</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>help</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboivhan</strong>
</p><p>?? r u okay??</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix </strong>
</p><p>need helpp</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboivhan</strong>
</p><p>where are you?? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>bathroomm </p><p>2 foor</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboivhan</strong>
</p><p>im on my way don't worry</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>as Chan sent the text he felt a sense of worry go through him but he didn't want to assume the worst so he got up and speed walked to the second floor bathroom.</p><p>when he opened the door he heard sobs and gasping like someone couldn't breath and then he saw Felix with his back against the wall and his knees to his chest, his breathing ragged and he was taking in sharp breaths. Chan fell to his knees next to him and spoke softly "Felix??" Felix looked at him with wide eyes as he tried to breath. Chan moved to sit in front of the younger, moved his legs down so he would see his face and gently grabbed his hand and brought is to his chest "copy me" Chan breathed in deeply and then out and watched as Felix tried to copy his breathing.</p><p> </p><p>it felt like forever but Felix finally got his breathing back to normal and the crying stopped. Chan smiled at him when Felix looked into his eyes "you good?" he reached up and wiped the last few tear drops from his cheeks and frowned, Felix just nodded as he didn't trust his voice and Chan pulled him into his chest and hugged him tightly "what happened?" Felix was quiet for a moment before looking down "someone from my old school..." when Felix didn't continue Chan asked "did he hurt you???" lifting his face and looking around for any bruises. he was so busy making sure Felix wasn't hurt that he didn't notice the blush that dusted on Felix's face "no I'm fine" he smiled to reassured Chan and he smiled back "we need to tell the other's" Chan stood up and brought Felix up with him, Felix grabbed Chan's arms "no! I don't want them to know.." he argued "but-" Felix cut him off "please..." his voice was begging and Chan just nodded his head with a sigh "fine"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"<em>promise?" </em> he held out his pinky finger</p><p> </p><p>"<em>promise." </em> Chan hooked his finger with Felix's and they both smiled.    </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. sleep</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry for the wait!</p><p>thought id make a happy chapter</p><p>most of the text's are based off text's me and my bestfriend send</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>'HA gayyy'</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>3:46 am</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>when dogs dream of human's do we talk like normal or do we bark...?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>oh my god....</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>why are you both awake???</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix </strong>
</p><p>why are YOU awake????</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan </strong>
</p><p>I was working on a project that's due tomorrow.</p><p>now why are you awake?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>cat video's</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>oh I was asleep but I fell out of bed and woke up</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>also send me those cat video's felix!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix </strong>
</p><p>will do!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>im trying to sleep here</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>god is ANYONE asleep!?!?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>nope</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince</strong>
</p><p>nah</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine</strong>
</p><p>;-;</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>okay! you all need to sleep</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>I think jeongin is the only one alseep</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>at least one of you are</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix </strong>
</p><p>wait woojin why are you awake????</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>I hadn't thought about that..</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince</strong>
</p><p>yeah woojin why are you awake??</p><p>you're the one who usually never misses sleep</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>…..felix sent me a link to a cat video and I haven't stopped watching them </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix </strong>
</p><p>its adorable!! their so smol!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine</strong>
</p><p>changbin is smol</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>im not that short</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>lies!! I watched you try to grab a glass from the top shelf of the cabinet and you</p><p>had to use a chair to reach!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>that cabinet was too high up!!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan </strong>
</p><p>wish I was there to record that</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>I did</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix </strong>
</p><p>Oooo send it </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>I will</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>okay go to sleep before you all end up staying awake till sunrise talking about how short changbin is</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>yes mother</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince </strong>
</p><p>I was going to go to sleep anyway</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Squirrel_boi™</strong>
</p><p>ill try</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>I finished my project so night</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>already half asleep</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine </strong>
</p><p>night</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>just one more video....</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>NO one will turn to two and two will turn to three so go to sleep</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>fineeeeee</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>'HA gayyy' </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>7:12 am</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>baby</strong>
</p><p>god what happened while I was asleep!?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>don't ask....</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. its all coming together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> <br/> <br/> <br/>chan was was starting to notice things, like how Felix's eyes would light up when talking about something he enjoyed, how the tip's of his ear's would be the first to turn red when he blushed and how he would smile at everyone. he knew he saw felix differently then everyone else and was sure he had a crush on the younger but he wasn't sure how to tell him, they had only been friends for 2 months now -he didn't even know you could fall for someone that fast-  and was worried that if he told him too soon then felix might not like him back.<br/> <br/> </p><hr/>
<hr/>
<hr/><p> </p><p> <br/> <br/>felix wasn't sure how this happened but it did, chan had called him and asked if he wanted to hang-out at his place to play some video games and he agreed but now its 2:23 am and here they are sat on the floor with their back pressed against the bed while he beat chan again and the loading screen popped up.felix turned to check the time while chan complained about losing and was shocked at how late it was, he stood up "I should go home its really late" he started to walk to the door when his wrist was grabbed by chan who was still on the floor "its too late to walk home" chan also stood up "its not safe you should stay here and go back in the morning" felix looked like he wasn't sure "are you sure?" chan nodded and felix sighed "okay"  "you can sleep on the bed and ill sleep on the floor" Felix's eyes widened and he shook his head "no, no its your bed ill sleep on the floor" chan really didn't want to fight over this but he also didn't want felix to sleep on  the floor "why don't we both sleep on the bed if your okay with that" he watched as Felix's ears went red and he thought about what chan said. he finally nodded his head and chan gave him a pair of his pajamas to change into.<br/> </p><p> </p><p>when felix walked out of the bathroom in chans pajamas -that were too big for him- and a blush on his cheeks he felt himself fall more in love. he moved to he side and slipped under the covers, leaving enough space for felix as he also slipped under the covers. it was awkward at first as thye just laid there facing each other but not looking at each other, chan looked at felix and moved a little closer, placing a arm over his waist and watching his face to make sure he wasn't overstepping anything as he pulled him closer to so his head tucked under his chin. felix was glad chan couldn't see him right now because his face was bright red as he moved closer into chan, the warmth of his body making him sleepy so he closed his eyes. chan felt comfortable like this, like felix was meant to be in his arms, he closed his eyes as he heard felix breath slow as he drifted asleep, he himself falling asleep not long after.</p><p> </p><p>felix felt safe and chan felt love.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. they are cute</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey! I got motivation for once!<br/>the next chapter will be them waking up<br/>but i thought id add a little text chapter.<br/>don't know when ill update again but until then <br/>enjoy</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>'look at all those chickens'</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>6:12 am</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>okay what</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>thecuteone</strong>
</p><p>what?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>baby </strong>
</p><p>you good?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>I- </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>what happened?? also who's the cute one and who changed the chat name?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine </strong>
</p><p>I changed the name</p><p>I just finished watching vines</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>thecuteone is jisung duh</p><p>the name gives it away</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>thecuteone</strong>
</p><p>aw you think im cute</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch </strong>
</p><p>maybe</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince</strong>
</p><p>ugh you two are so gay for each other</p><p>anyway you were saying changbin?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>oh yeah </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>ilovedark</em>
</p><p>so I walk into chans room because I needed help right?</p><p>and oml its the cutest thing ever</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine</strong>
</p><p>what?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>thecuteone</strong>
</p><p>Oooo what did you see??</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>chan and felix just there</p><p>chans arms are wrapped so tight around him </p><p>and felix is pressed so much into chan that I could hardly make out who it was </p><p>the only reason I knew it was felix was because I could see his hair</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>did they become a couple without telling us???</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>I ship it</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince </strong>
</p><p>whats their ship name tho?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>baby</strong>
</p><p>chanlix!!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine</strong>
</p><p>chanlix</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>thecuteone </strong>
</p><p>I hardly doubt their a couple</p><p>I mean they only met a few months ago</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>when you and Minho got together you had only know each other for a month</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>hes right</p><p>also im still in the room watching them</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince </strong>
</p><p>wait ur just stood there watching them?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>baby</strong>
</p><p>that's creepy...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>I cant help it! </p><p>its cute!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>and ur weird </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine</strong>
</p><p>we knew that already</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>hey! &gt;:(</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear </strong>
</p><p>just stop staring at them</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince</strong>
</p><p>imagine if they woke up to you watching them sleep</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>thecuteone</strong>
</p><p>chan would scream then changbin would scream and then felix would...</p><p>actually felix is a heavy sleeper so he would probably sleep through the screaming </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>I left the room</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>u took pictures didn't you?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>yeah...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear</strong>
</p><p>send them to us later</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>will do</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine</strong>
</p><p>so do we just wait for them to wake up?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>thecuteone</strong>
</p><p>seems like it</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince</strong>
</p><p>you do know they are gonna see the chat?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>yeah so?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince </strong>
</p><p>their gonna know changbin just stood in the room watching them</p><p>and that he has pictures of them </p><p>and that we ship them<br/><br/></p><p>
  <strong>baby</strong>
</p><p>...oh</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear </strong>
</p><p>its fine </p><p>im still wondering if they are a couple or not </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>lets just ask when they wake up </p><p>but I don't think they are</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch </strong>
</p><p>we'll see</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>thecuteone</strong>
</p><p>until then</p><p>Minho come over I need cuddles</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>minbitch</strong>
</p><p>on my way </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>baby</strong>
</p><p>I want cuddles now.. :(</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince</strong>
</p><p>same</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>me too</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine </strong>
</p><p>you read my mind</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>mamabear </strong>
</p><p>all of you come over and wee can watch a movie and cuddle </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sunshine</strong>
</p><p>on my way</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ilovedark </strong>
</p><p>im in</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>baby</strong>
</p><p>as long as its not a horror movie then im on my way too</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the_prince </strong>
</p><p>ill bring some movies for us to choose </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. falling deeper in love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>felix wakes up and now hes sure hes in love</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>motivation came to me so now u got a new chapter <br/>enjoy</p><p> </p><p>I was writing the first part and now that I think about it if you fell asleep cuddling someone I don't think you would wake up in the same position ._.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>felix woke up slowly and dazed and when he opened his eyes he was confused to find himself pressed into someone instead of his room. it took him a second to realise that the 'someone' was chan and the reason he wasn't in his room was because he stayed the night. he looked up and moved back a bit to be able to see chan better. his face was peaceful and there was small, barely there, smile on his face as if he was having a good dream. Felix's eyes traveled up from his mouth to his hair that was messy and covering his eyes just a little, the sun was shining directly onto chan's face and felix felt his breath hitch at how beautiful it made him look. he didn't know when he started smiling but only when his cheeks start to hurt did he stop.</p><p> </p><p>he moved back into chan's embrace and smiled. he stayed there for about 17 minutes before he started to get hungry and decide to get up but he didn't know how he was going to be able to get out of the bed without waking chan up. he gently grabbed chan's arm that was wrapped around him and moved it to lay on the bed, once he was free he moved away and sat on the edge of the bed. he slowly stood up, trying to not make too much movement and accidently waking chan up. once he was sure that chan wouldn't wake up he turned around and look at chan once more before grabbing his phone and slowly opening the door and then shutting it behind him.</p><p> </p><p>he walked into the kitchen and saw changbin looking through the fridge, he stood there and watched as changbin found whatever he was looking for and turned around only to jump and let out a yelp when he saw felix watching him. felix started laughing while trying to apologise "s-sor" he could hardly get the words out because he was laughing so much "sorry! sorry! I- I didn't m-mean to!" he was trying to gain his breath back. changbin just rolled his eyes "yeah yeah laugh it up" he huffed "not like you gave me a heart attack..." he muttered under his breath, felix gave a small smile "sorry" changbin walked over to him and flicked him on the head "whatever I have a question anyway.." felix tilted his head to the side "whats that?" changbin looked him in the eye's "are you chan dating now?" felix felt his face heat up and his heart beat faster, his eyes went wide "w-what?!? no!" changbin noticed the blush on his face but didn't push further "oh okay then ill tell the group chat" he pulled out his phone and moved to sit on the sofa not far away from the kitchen and felix sat next to him "why?" changbin didn't look up from his phone as he answered "I walked In on you two cuddling and told everyone else and woojin thought you started dating, we even have a ship name for you both" felix felt his blush go redder and his phone dinged when changbin's message was sent "oh by the way if you want I have clothes that you can change into" felix looked down and realised he was still wearing chan's pajamas "oh uh yes please"</p><p> </p><p>once felix had changed his cloths changbin had made him some toast and they talked while felix ate. when he was done he got ready to leave saying he had to get home and that he would give changbin his clothes back next time he saw him, he also asked him to thank chan for the pajamas and for letting him stay the night and to tell him that he would text him later.</p><p> </p><p>felix knew he fell deep in love.     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. i dont want a crush but i have one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>super sorry about the late update! I was being lazy at first and a few weeks ago I was going to update but I started to feel sick but im fine now so here you go!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>felix knew he had a crush on chan, he saw how handsome he was, how he made his heart flip just by looking at felix and how all he had to do was to smile at him and suddenly his face would be red but felix didn't want a crush on anyone, he's had enough failed relationships to know that it always went wrong somehow.</p><p> </p><p>he gave up on love after his last relationship had ended because his ex was cheating on him and then said it was because felix wasn't good enough, it was the last straw for felix...he just stopped liking anyone and if he ever started to he would just force it away but this...this thing he felt for chan he couldn't push away because it was too strong, it was like a flower blooming in his chest and spreading all around his body it felt like something he never felt with his ex's it was like those things he read in books and he couldn't help but want to just be with chan all the time but he couldn't bring himself to do anything about his feeing's because he was scared...scared he would be left behind, scared he would lose someone close to him and scared that he would be alone again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>he knew chan probably wouldn't leave him but he was still scared, he usually just talked to jisung about his feelings about his ex's but when he thought of chan and his smile, his laugh and his voice and then suddenly none of them mattered anymore and every thought of his ex's dissapeared.</p><p> </p><p>he was brought out of his thoughts to the sound of his phone letting out a muffled ding  from where is was tucked away in his pocket. he pulled it out and checked the battery and noticed it was 14 percent so he went to sit on his bed and put his phone on charge and then opening the message and smiling after seeing it was from chan.</p><p>
  <br/>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>'urboichan' sent a private message</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>hey I hope you got back safe! sorry I couldn't walk you home :(</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix</strong>
</p><p>i got back fine! its fine i just didn't want to wake u up because you looked tired </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>u could've woken me up i wouldn't of minded if it meant i got to spend more time with you  </p><p> </p><p>felix blushed a little at that but brushed it aside     </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix </strong>
</p><p>ill make sure to wake u next time then lol</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>urboichan</strong>
</p><p>you better! ill see you tomorrow lix</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>memelix </strong>
</p><p>yeah see u!</p><p> </p><p>felix sighed happily before getting up to make some food for him and his grandma.<br/>what felix didnt know was that chan was smiling with heart eyes at his phone.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>enjoy your chanlix for today </p><p>follow me on Instagram if you want @_leefelixmakesmeuwu_</p><p>stay safe!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Should I?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Okay sorry about the reaaaalllllyyyyy late update but as I've said multiple times me and motivation have a complicated relationship sooo enjoy this little thing and hopefully I'll write the next chapter soon</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Private message to ilovedark</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
</p><p>Sooo you know how you and everyone asked if me and felix were dating?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>Yeah? Wait did you lie?! Are u dating!?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>No! No! We aren't</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
  
</p><p>Then what about it?? Don't get my hopes up like that</p><p>-_-</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>Yeah well you're my best friend and I need some advice..</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
</p><p>Ooooo about what?? Do we need to have 'the talk'?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>What????</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
  
</p><p>It's okay chan! So when two people love each other very much</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>No! Not that!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
  
</p><p>Then what is it?? I haven't got all night, I have a project I need to finish</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>I may or may not have a big huge gigantic crush on felix</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
  
</p><p>Wait you're not joking right?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>No...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
  
</p><p>Yes! Chanlix is real! I can't wait to tell the others!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>Don't! Not yet at least! I don't want felix to find out by anyone who isn't me</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
  
</p><p>Okay,okay but why do you need my help?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>I don't know if I should ask him out?? He's only been here a few months and I don't want to make things awkward between us and what if he doesn't like me back? Then what?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
  
</p><p>Okay chill</p><p>I say ask him out but it's up to you</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>You think I should?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
  
</p><p>Yes! Plus there is a huge chance he likes you as well</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>But what if he doesn't?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
  
</p><p>Stop. He probably does!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>Okay</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
  
</p><p>So when are you gonna ask him?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>Oh I haven't thought about that yet</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
  
</p><p>Well?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>Maybe next week?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
  
</p><p>Why wait that long?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>Because i want to spend time with him first</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
  
</p><p>Okayyyy well now this is settled can I go back to working on my project?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>Yeah yeah okay I'm going to bed</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ilovedark</strong>
  
</p><p>No you're not</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urboichan</strong>
  
</p><p>No I'm not</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. life goes up and down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello! I've heard the news about woojin. i was brought up to believe that a person is innocent until proven guilty and i have yet to find any solid proof that he's guilty (I'm not saying he's innocent or guilty) but i don't want anyone reading my story to feel uncomfortable while reading so for now he will be removed from this story -he wont be removed from the chapters I've already wrote though- if he is in the story in will only be in the texting part or to move the plot along but he wasn't much of a main character so the story wont really change without him. if you know anything please tell me as i would like to be educated on this matter before accusing someone of anything.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>okay...felix could do this! he had left his mask at home today and was going to school with-out it and some make-up -enough to cover some freckles but not all of them- all of his friends had said he would be fine with-out it and that they liked his freckles -well it was mainly chan who had said this but he was going to ignore that right now- so he was going to school with out it and he was already starting to regret it.</p><p> </p><p>his house is only 15 minutes away from the school but in 8 minutes he had already gotten weird looks, a group of girls pointing and laughing at him and a old man glaring at him -though he's not sure if its because of his freckles or because he almost stepped on the flowers out-side the mans house- his anxiety was through the roof and he was worried he might start having a panic attack with how fast his heart was beating and how everything seemed to be tilting to one side.</p><p> </p><p><br/>he finally made it to school with enough time left to make it to his first class. the only people that looked at him were the ones that weren't talking but they only looked for a few seconds before they went back to whatever they were doing -some finishing homework others on their phone- but the guy who was sat behind felix wouldn't stop staring at him, even when he sat down he could feel his eyes staring holes in the back of his head and it was starting to make him uncomfortable.</p><p> </p><p><br/>he was glad when the lesson was over so that he could get away from that creep.</p><p> </p><p><br/>he walked to his next class that he had with jisung. he sat down in his seat next to jisung and smiled at him "are you not wearing your mask today?!?" he asked with a wide smile on his face, felix nodded at him with a shy smile "oh look at your freckles!! they look awesome!" jisung squished Felix's cheeks together and tilted his head side to side to get a better look. felix felt a blush creep up his face at the complement.</p><p> </p><p><br/>all the happiness he felt disappeared and a wave of dread filled him when he noticed the same guy from his last class walk in and sit at the back in the corner. jisung noticed that he wasn't paying attention and followed his eyes to see what he was looking at only to notice him and the guy in the corner having some sort of staring contest. he let go of Felix's face, "what are you looking at him for??" he asked, confused. felix turned to him "he was in my last class.." jisung gave him a look as if to say 'and?' felix sighed and spoke quietly so they guy wouldn't hear "he wouldn't stop staring at me during the whole lesson."  jisung gave him a concerned look, he didn't like the sound of that, he turned his head to look at the guy himself and saw him staring at felix but he wasn't just staring he was looking at him like he killed his whole family.</p><p> </p><p><br/>"okay wow that's creepy" he said turning back to him "yeah I know ma-" felix was cut off when the teacher walked in the room and started the lesson.</p><p> </p><p>when he had finished his next class it was finally time for lunch. the hallway was mostly empty as almost  everyone was already eating, the only people were the ones who were either getting something from their locker or going to the bathroom. someone from behind him pushed him so hard that he almost fell face first on the floor "wha-" he didn't even have time to turn around when this person grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pushed him into the locker he was next to. the back of his head hit the locker hard and he winced in pain, he looked at the guys face and saw it was the same guy from his first two classes. he had black hair and dark brown eyes "what the hells wrong with your face??" his voice was deep and filled with venom. felix felt himself freeze in shock and fear "hey! answer me freak!" felix tried to swallow the lump in his throat "m-my freckles?" he asked more then answered. the guy pulled him away only to push him into the locker again "freckles? ha! you look like you have a disease!" the guy laughed at his own joke before letting felix go with a evil smirk, felix sighed in relief at being letting go thinking that he would just leave him alone now that he got his answer.</p><p> </p><p><br/>but nothing ever when right for him did it?    </p><p> </p><p><br/>the guy decided that what he had done so far wasn't enough so he pulled his fist back and punched him in the face, hard enough to hurt and leave a bruise. the force of it made him fall to the floor in pain, he was already starting to feel a bruise forming "ugh why did I even touch you?" the guy looked at his hand like he was disgusted and walked away.</p><p> </p><p><br/>felix felt tears beginning to fall down his face, sure he had been beaten up before but that never made it hurt less and god did it hurt a lot. he sat there for a minute before making his was quickly to the bathroom, looking in the mirror he saw his cheek already showing a ugly bruise.</p><p> </p><p><br/>he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>'look at all those chickens'</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>thecuteone</strong><br/>feliiiixxxxx where are youuuuuu????</p><p> </p><p><strong>sunshine</strong><br/>we're waiting for you! :)</p><p> </p><p><strong>memelix</strong><br/>ill be there soon!</p><p> </p><p><br/>he wiped away his tears and made sure that he didn't look like he was crying a second ago. he couldn't do anything about the bruise at the moment and his tears had made some of his make up fade away. god he just wanted this to end! it seemed that no matter where he went something bad always happened to him and the people he was close to...he didn't want anything bad to happen to his friends because of him but he felt really happy with them and his crush on chan made it even harder to just leave them be. its selfish....he knows but can you blame him for wanting to hold on to this happiness for as long as he can?</p><p> </p><p><br/>he shook his head to get rid of those thoughts and walked out the door heading to where everyone else were eating.</p><p> </p><p>as soon as hyunjin saw him he waved him over to where they were sat. when he sat down he smiled at them as they turned to greet him "you're not wearing your mask today? that's great!" seungmin said with a smile before realising the bruise on his cheek and his smile turned into a frown "did you get punched or something??" everyone turned to face him when they heard seungmin "oh my god felix are you okay?" changbin stood up and walked over to sit next to him and he lowered his head in embarrassment about all this attention he was getting.</p><p> </p><p><br/>jisung looked at him "was it that guy from class?! I swear I will kill him!" the fact that there was no hesitation in his voice worried him slightly "wait who?" chan who had been staring at his face with concern -and blushing a little but felix didn't notice- finally spoke, changbin was gently touching the bruise while hyunjin was complimenting Felix's freckles when jisung answered "this guy in our class wouldn't stop staring at him and apparently he was staring at in his first class as well" seungmin looked sad at the new information "so he punched you?? did he say what for?" felix moved away from changbin and hyunjin to look at him "something about my freckles...its fine though the bruise will probably be gone by tomorrow" he tried to give them a smile but it made him wince.</p><p> </p><p><br/> "its not fine lix the dude punched you..." chan wanted to go and kill the person who did this to felix "I said I'm fine." felix was starting to get annoyed, he said he was fine so he is fine! its not a big deal! changbin started to talk "felix we jus-" "can we just drop it please??" he was so tired right now and he honestly just wanted to finish his last two classes and then go home. he was happy they cared for him obviously but he just wanted them to stop talking about it, they knew he got punched and they know who punched him they couldn't do anything now that it already happened.</p><p> </p><p><br/>"okay..." hyunjin said quietly "but if anything like this happens again tell one of us right away okay?" chan really hopped  he would, felix smiled at them before nodding his head. he knew it was a lie but he would rather lie and keep this small bubble of happiness then tell them and cause trouble for them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>finished writing this at 3:13</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. will you?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>here we go again!! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Saturday 10:38 am </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>private message </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>I'm doing it </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ilovedark</b>
</p><p>doing what??</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>I'm gonna ask Felix out on a date!</p><p> </p><p class="">
  <b>ilovedark</b>
</p><p>oh really?! you sure??</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan </b>
</p><p>what do you mean?? should I not do it???</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p> is this a bad idea??</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ilovedark</b>
</p><p>Woah calm down</p><p>you should do it! we have been wait for u guys to start dating</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>okay okay, ill do it but how do I ask??</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>hello??</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>changbin??</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>where did u go?? I need help here!</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ilovedark</b>
</p><p>I'm here I'm here sorry</p><p>I was getting something to eat</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>I'm trying to find out how to ask out Felix and you're just getting something to eat??</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ilovedark</b>
</p><p>well yeah I need the energy if you want me to help</p><p>now, what did u ask??</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>how do I ask him out??</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ilovedark </b>
</p><p>well did u have a plan??</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>well I got flowers</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ilovedark</b>
</p><p>good then the only thing you need to do is give them to him </p><p>then say "hey I really like you do you wanna go on a date"</p><p>got it?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>got it!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Felix was laying on his bed when he got a text message from chan, he smiled and opened the notification.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>10:57 am</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>hey Felix!</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>memelix</b>
</p><p>hello~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>are you free today??</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>memelix</b>
</p><p>yeah I'm not doing anything all-day</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>great! do you wanna hang out??</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>memelix </b>
</p><p>sure! where??</p><p> </p><p class="">
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>there's this place by the park that's hidden by a bunch of trees</p><p>we can go there is you don't mind?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>memelix</b>
</p><p>that's fine! ill meet you outside the park in 10 minutes</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>okay!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Felix stood up from his bed and walked into the bathroom, he washed his face, brushed his hair and grabbed his mask to put it into his bag.</p><p> </p><p>he had a small bruise on his cheek from some girl who pushed him hard on the floor and he hit his face but it didn't hurt that much and it was hard to notice so he didn't bother covering it up.</p><p> </p><p>he hasn't been wearing his mask a lot lately but that only made bullying worse, he was used to being pushed or maybe even punched sometimes but now he's been coming home with more bruises than normal.</p><p class=""> </p><p class="">he went downstairs and waved at his grandma in the kitchen as he passed "oh! Felix sweetie?" she called out to him and he turned around to looked at her "yes?" her eyes looked sadly at him as she gently put a hand on his shoulder "I know you and your parents aren't on the best of terms" his eyes widened at the mention of his parents, he didn't hate his parents and his parents weren't mean or anything but they were never really supportive of the things he wanted to do and when he moved to Korea they had a huge fight before he left. she gave him a small smile "they called and said they would be staying for a week, I know you don't want to be around them so I thought id let you know so you have time to plan who you want to stay with this week." her eyes widened happily as a thought came to her "oh! what about one of your friends from school??? what's his name??? jeesun? jisung? that's it! he has a dorm at the school doesn't he?" Felix smiled at her, she is the best person in the world. "ill ask him but I've got to get going now" she watched as he walked to the door and put his shoes on "okay dear stay safe! they will come on Monday!" he said goodbye and left.</p><p class=""> </p><p class="">he walked to the park and smiled when he saw chan waiting for him on the sidewalk.</p><p class=""> </p><p class="">"hey chan!" he waved and the older smiled at him, the smile made his heart flutter "hey, its this way follow me" chan turned and started walking while Felix followed him by his side. they passed the kids playing in the park and chan lead Felix into the bunch of trees on the side of the park. once they got through the trees and into the clearing Felix could see the large rocks that people probably use to sit on, the grass was bright green, the trees leaf's were orang, the ones that had fallen look like they belonged there and it just looks really beautiful.</p><p class=""> </p><p class="">with a wide smile on his face and his eyes shining he turned to look at chan only to realize chan was watching him with a fond smile, blushing slightly Felix looked back at the trees "wow... it's beautiful" you could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke.</p><p class=""> </p><p class="">chan sighed dreamily and gently held Felix's hand, Felix stared at their hands while chan pulled him to one of the rocks then disappeared behind it only to come back to stand in front of Felix with his hands behind his back.</p><p class=""> </p><p class="">chan pulled a bouquet of red carnation out from behind his back "for you!" he placed them in front of Felix. Felix stared at the flowers with a deep blush and wide eyes but he reached out to hold them, they were more beautiful than the scene around them.</p><p class=""> </p><p class="">chan watched Felix's face and smiled as he took the flowers "t-thank you they look very beautiful..." Felix looked like he was in a daze as he brushed his hand against the flowers. gaining enough courage chan took a deep breath and spoke "so I've liked you a lot since a while after we met and I totally understand if you say no but I was wondering- hoping you would like to go on a date??" he said it all in one breath and Felix stared at him for a while trying to make out what he had just said but once he realized what chan said his blush spread down his neck and over his ears, he could only hear the sound of chan's breathing and the smell of the flowers.</p><p class=""> </p><p class="">"Well?" chan tilted his head and asked, Felix shook his head a little as he came back to reality and he smiled widely at chan then nodded his head slowly "yes" this time it was chan who looked in shock "really???" his smile was almost as wide as Felix's "yes I would love to go on a date with you" chan pulled Felix into a hug and Felix had to move the flowers so they wouldn't get crushed.</p><p class=""> </p><p class="">they spent the rest of the day at the park holding hands with shy smiles until the sun was starting to set and chan walked Felix home.</p><p class=""> </p><p class="">he left while promising to let Felix know where they were going on the date when he found somewhere.</p><p class=""> </p><p class="">that night Felix fell asleep with a smile on his face and the flowers by his window in water.</p><p class=""> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>angst is coming in the next chapter!!</p><p>I love reading your comments!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. things are good until they aren't</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>:0 I updated again! that's a shock lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Monday 7:46 am</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Felix isn't sure how the school found out they were dating just two days after they got together when they've only told their friends but when three girls corner him, screaming at him about how he doesn't deserve chan and that he made chan gay -which is dumb- </p><p> </p><p>everything was going so great that Felix forgot people like this exist but the world never wants to give him a break. </p><p> </p><p class="">when the girls finally stop shouting at him with one hard push into the wall behind him, so hard he's sure his back will be bruised tomorrow, he went to the class he shared with hyunjin and sat down next to him.felix turned to him and hyunjin turned to him with a sad smile, <em class="">pity, Felix hated it, </em><span class="">"I heard what happened with those girls, are you okay?" apparently gossip travels fast in this school considering that happened just 10 minutes ago, felix wore his mask today so he didn't bother smiling at hyunjin and honestly, he didn't have the energy today "I'm fine. nothing really happened" he pulled his book out his bag, that annoying smile didn't leave hyunjins face, felix didn't want to be pitied "are you sure?" felix looked away from him "yes. can you dro-" he was cut off as the teacher walked in, he didn't see the concern and worried look hyunjin gave him.</span></p><p class="">
  
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  <span class="">"Can I stay at your dorm for a week?" Felix suddenly asks jisung as all of them wait outside for Minho and seungmin to finish their last class, jisung looked at him confused "yeah sure but why?" hyunjin, chan,changbin and jeongin talking to each other turned into background noise "um- well-" Felix fidgeted with his fingers and jisung raised his hand "you don't have to answer! I was just wondering" jisung put his hands down, <em>I've known jisung for a while it's fine,</em> "no it's fine, it's just my parents are coming to visit but I don't have the best relationship with them" jisung just nodded "okay then! oh did you see that video I sent you?" Felix was grateful he changed the topic.</span>
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  <span class="">"Grandma I'm back!" Felix called out as he walks through the door only to hear talking coming from the living room and went to see who it was. when he entered the room he remembered what day it was "ah honey!" his mother waved, she was a kind woman but she wanted her kids to always be better then they were the day before and when she found out that Felix wanted to do music and dance she wasn't very happy about it, his father never really cared about what he did but that didn't stop him from making rude comments. "hey mum, dad. I just came to grab some stuff then I'm going to jisungs" he gave him mum a side hug and grandma a smile, just as he was about to walk out the room his father decided to speak "still following that stupid dream?" Felix didn't turn to look at him as a small sense of rage filled him and he had to swallow down the lump in his throat before he says something he might regret, it hurt him to know they didn't believe in him "yes father." he walked upstairs and started to pack enough stuff for a week. he headed down when he was done and said goodbye.</span>
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  <span class="">he knocked on jisungs dorm door and was surprised when it opened and he was pulled inside.</span>
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  <span class="">there was a bed made on the small sofa for him, snacks on the coffee table and two hot chocolates next to it. he raised an eyebrow at jisung as he took his mask off "what's all this?" jisung just smiled more and pulled him to sit on the sofa "well Mr.deep voice I was hoping you would tell me how chan asked you out"  his smile never faded and Felix realized he never even told jisung how they started dating just that they were "Well he took me to this really pretty place by the park" jisung picked up the hot chocolates and gave him one "good start. I swear if he didn't go all out I'm telling him off!" Felix smiled at that, somehow he felt he didn't deserve that protectiveness like he was stealing it "he gave me flowers" jisung looked suspicious at that for some reason "what kind...?" "Red carnations" jisung seemed to be having a conversation with himself before nodding in approval "good but he should have gotten you 100 roses" Felix laughed at him "where would I even put them??" jisung laughed and shrugged "eh I don't know" </span>
</p><p class=""> </p><p class="">after Felix told jisung about how he was asked out jisung asked "so what do you like about him?" Felix blushed but answered anyway "honestly?" jisung nodded "I don't know. it's just this...<em> thing </em>that happens when he does something, no matter what it is it makes my heart beat faster and makes it stop at the same time." his blush goes redder and jisung just sits there, listening "he smiles at me and everything seems to stop. he's kind to people he doesn't even know and any animal he sees suddenly needs to be pet. he makes me feel things I didn't even know I could feel and sometimes it gets so..<em>.frustrating</em> because I don't know what I'm feeling as I know is that I want to stay by him." all of that is true. but he leaves out the other feelings, the feeling of not deserving it, the feeling of worry that one day chan will see that he doesn't actually like Felix, the feeling of heartache when he realizes that when chan sees all the problems he has and how <em>scared </em>he is that if he lets his guard down then he'll get hurt.</p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class="">when they're ready for bed and in bed Felix gets a message, one from chan and two from his parents.</p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class="">
  <b>private message from 'urboichan' 11:26 pm </b>
</p><p class=""> </p><p class="">
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p class="">hey, so I found a place for us to have our date! its a restaurant at xxx--x-xx-x-xxx we can go tomorrow after school if that's okay??</p><p class="">
  
</p><p>
  <b>memelix</b>
</p><p>yeah that fine! :)</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Felix opens the message from the group chat with him and his parents and his heart sinks</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>private message from 'mum and dad' 11:29</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>mum</b>
</p><p>Felix. your dad and I think that you should stop this dumb 'dream' of yours </p><p>you won't go anywhere with it</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>dad </b>
</p><p>your mum is right </p><p>we're the adults and you are the child you should listen to us</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Felix doesn't reply, just stares at his phone as he tries to stop tears falling.</p><p>this isn't the first time they've said things like this but he can't deal with it right now, his emotions are everywhere recently and all he wants to do is end it, end the hate, the pain, the sorrow, it would be easy he knows that but he's scared...not to die, no he's scared of who he'll leave behind if there are people who care about him.</p><p> </p><p>things will get better hopefully but he hopes nothing happens to push him over the edge.</p><p> </p><p>he closes his eyes and drifts into a dreamless sleep. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I love reading your comments</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. a day for us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>what's this?? me?? updating again??</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <b>the next day 7:28 am</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Felix woke up to jisung poking him not so gently on the cheek, he opened his eyes to find him right next to his face with a wide smile "gooood morning!" jisung said happily, finally moving away from his face and standing up from where he was crouched next to the sofa. Felix blinked a few times before sitting up "morning." jisungs eyes widened at his voice "damn did your voice get deeper?" he laughed and went to pack his bag while Felix went to the bathroom, bringing his clothes with him so he could change.</p><p> </p><p>he came out in one of his favourite outfits, black riped jean, a white t-shirt with a little panda on it, a black jacket tied around his waist and black shoes. jisung smiled at him as he walked out, he decided not to wear a mask and just use make-up today, and the walked out and went to school.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>they got to the school at around 7:49 as the school wasn't far from jisungs dorm and met up with changbin and hyunjin at the front.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Hello!" hyunjin smiled at them "good morning" Felix replied, "what part of this morning is good?" changbin groaned, jisung laughed while Felix looked at hyunjin confused "ignore him, he was up late and now has a grudge on the sun for rising" Felix laughed at that and they headed inside, they still had 10 minutes until class. "so whats got you dressed up so nicely?" changbin asked, jisung gave him a little shove with a knowing look on his face while hyunjin just looked confused -it did take him a while to realise that he and chan weren't joking when they said they started dating- and he blushed "I have a date..." he said shyly "oh. <em>oh" </em>hyunjin seemed to finally realise that he meant a date with chan, changbin just smiled at him "speaking of dates, me and minho are going on a date tomorrow so you'll be alone at the dorm after school okay?" Felix nodded at him. the blush never left as they walked to their different classes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>it was after class that the boy who punched him before came up to him again "oi!" Felix kept walking and pretended he didn't hear him but he couldn't ignore the hand that gripped his shoulder so he turned and faced the boy "yes?" he asked, sounding more confident then he felt "did you just ignore me??" Felix didn't move as he felt the man's hand let go of his shoulder and grabbed his wrist " god are you deaf?!" he was pulled and swung into the wall face first but luckily he moved his head up so he only his chin and chest, <em>that was definitely gonna leave a bruise, </em>"useless dumbass" the man muttered as he walked away. Felix pulled away from the wall and started walking to the bathroom, he was glad he brought his make-up with him this time.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>he looked in the mirror and saw a bruise forming on his jaw and chin, gently running his fingers over it before pulling the small container with the right colour of his skin and rubbed it over the bruised skin, hissing when he pressed down too hard. once he sure it was covered he stepped out and walked to the slightly crowded cafeteria. when he entered he looked around when he saw everyone he started to walk to them, smiling when he sees chan already looking at him and sitting down next to him, in between him and seungmin.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>chan and changbin were arguing about something, jisung and minho were blushing at each other and jeongin, seungmin, hyunjin and him were talking about a class they didn't like. while talking Felix felt something warm press against his hand and it only took him a few seconds to realise that it was chans hand, holding his hand under the table, he glanced at chan and saw how his ears were red and he looked away with a smile.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>they didn't let go until they had to go to class.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p class="">after school Felix waited for him outside the school, he didn't have to wait long as chan walked out "didn't wait long did you?" chan asked as he stood next to Felix "nope!" Felix replied, chan held his hand again and Felix smiled at him "let's go then" they started to walk to the restaurant, it was only 18 minutes away so they talked as they walked.</p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class="">"changbin thinks he ain't soft with that whole 'i love dark' thing BUT-" he put emphasis on the 'but' as rambled and Felix listened "-I saw him pick up a random cat yesterday and wouldn't put them down until he jumped away" Felix laughed at but winced at the pain in his jaw, chan turned to him in concern "you okay?" Felix just nodded "really? it didn't sound like it" " I'm fine chan, I just hurt my jaw was all" Felix was doing his best not to seem like he was lying - he wasn't in a way- "how?" <em>goddamn it chan why did you have to ask?? </em>Felix sighed "I- it was just that guy from last time but it doesn't hurt-" "what!? Felix, we told you to let us know when this stuff happens!" even as they walked and chan yelled chan didn't let go of his hand, although Felix didn't know if he was grateful or not "I just hit into a wall and that was it. I figured it wasn't that important, sorry" chan sighed and smiled at him "just promise to tell us next time okay? no matter how unimportant you think it is" Felix felt his heart grow sad and fought to keep it off his face "okay" chan pretend not to notice that he didn't promise.</p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class="">the restaurant is beautiful although the outside view makes it look plain, simple and dull the inside is full of colour and the dimmed lights give it a sort of secretive feeling. they were lead to their table by a kind man "ill be back soon to get your orders" the man walked away and Felix continued to look around with stary-eyes "how do you keep finding really pretty places?" Felix asked,   -still looking around at the lights and photos on the wall- chan just gave a soft smile and while looking at Felix said, "I like really pretty things" Felix turned to him and blushed, soft smiles on both their faces.</p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class="">Felix knew this wouldn't last long, the happiness will soon disappear, the smiles will turn into frowns and when -not if- chan breaks up with him he won't be able to hang out with everyone else together because he'll make things awkward. to say he's scared of this relationship is an understatement because he's damn right <em>terrified </em>but still, he wants this, he wants to be with chan he's just worried of what will happen if one of them leave, Felix in a majorly different way then chan but still. </p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class="">he shakes his head to rid himself of the thought as he continued to eat. he and chan had ordered and gotten their food, the food was good as well. "you're beautiful!" chan randomly said while looking at Felix, his eyes seemed to never leave him, "u-uh" Felix didn't know how to respond, chan looked like he didn't even mean to say it, "sorry I -um just thought you should know" he sighed and looked down for a second before looking back up to look him in the eyes lovingly "it's true though, you're beautiful" chan reached across the and held Felix's hand again, he seemed to be doing that a lot today but Felix wasn't complaining "so are you" Felix said, embarrassed but the smile that blooms on chans face makes it worth it.</p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class="">the night went wonderfully and chan decided to walk Felix to the dorms. "Well I think that went fantastic" chan said, "mhm can we go to the cafe next time?" Felix smiled at him and chans eyes widened along with his smile "there's going to be a next time?" the smile on Felix's face went shy "I mean hopefully" chan nodded "yes, absolutely, definitely, let me know when!" chans happiness showing easily made Felix do something he probably would never do, he leaned forward and kissed chans cheek, running into the building before chan could say anything.</p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class="">chan walked home with a smile.</p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class="">Felix entered the dorm with a blush and a shy smile.   </p><p class=""> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. I don't want tomorrow to come</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <b> TW: as you should know by now this story is about depression and suicide. but I want to warn you that this chapter contains mentions of past self-harm, suicidal thoughts and other things that may trigger some people. please stay safe.</b>
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</p><p><b>I have not got depression and I'm searching things up and asking my friends and family to help as they know more about this then I do. if you see something that is wrong please tell me so I can change it.</b><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>Felix honestly thought things were getting better now.<br/><br/><br/></p><p> </p><p>he was wrong.<br/><br/><br/></p><p> </p><p>the bruises have become more frequent and he knows everyone is starting to notice them, chan was getting really upset about them and Felix hated that he was the cause of it.</p><p> </p><p>his parents wouldn't stop messaging him about how he could do so much better and honestly, he was starting to agree with them, he could do better, couldn't he? but he just messes everything up.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>he started wearing his mask again, but that didn't stop the bullying, because people saw what he looked like without his mask people even started making comments about it even while he had his mask on. <br/><br/><br/></p><p>the bruises, the harsh words, the fact he was making everyone sad and worried about him, it was just all too much. he used to have<em> other methods </em>of making his mind go blank for a little bit but it was becoming too noticeable to other people so he had to stop because he couldn't release the stress that way it had all kinda just pilled up.<br/><br/><br/><br/></p><p>Felix was already having a bad day, he woke up by falling off the sofa and he ran out of foundation and concealer, Jisung already left as he was getting dressed. he couldn't find his mask and had to leave without it so school was hell, people were pointing at his face and whispering to their friends then laughing, some would call him names others would push and jab at him, he hated it.</p><p> </p><p>hated the people who would look at him sadly.</p><p> </p><p>hated the way that people would just walk past when they saw him being pushed.</p><p> </p><p>hated telling people what's wrong because people never seemed to understand.</p><p> </p><p>hated the way people would walk on eggshells around him when he was upset.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>but he also hated making problems for people.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p class="">his thoughts seemed to darken as the day went on. the day on in a blur of colours and words, Felix didn't remember anything that was said during class, all he did was walk in, sit down, zone out, stand up and go to the next class. things cleared a bit during lunch as he felt hyunjin shake him with a hand on his shoulder, he blinked a few times to make the world have less blur before looking around at everyone, almost everyone was talking to each other in their own little groups but the group that he didn't even know he was in was looking at his concern, it was hyunjin, chan and jisung. "huh?" chan gave him a look that said <em class="">'you okay? </em>it was quiet for a while before jisung decided to break the silence "you've been zoned out for like...17 minutes now" he explained, Felix couldn't find it in himself to care anymore "oh? sorry" he went back to staring at nothing, the world slowly fading back into the blurry mess it once was, he didn't even notice chan rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb.</p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class="">more days went on, the world was still blurry and his parents decided to stay a little longer so he had to continue to stay at jisung's dorm. chan was always there for him though, he helped for a while but his thoughts always came back after. this wasn't something that would just go away with a hug or a few nice words, it wasn't going to be fixed in a few weeks, it would take years before he finally felt even a little bit fine, he wondered if he would feel better dead, he wouldn't have to worry about how he looks or how he sounds and he could do it easily but there was always something stopping him from going through with it completely.</p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class="">until now.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"he's not good enough for chan!" Felix stopped before he turned the corner, he leaned against the wall as to not look weird but continued to listen "calm down, there's nothing we can do sadly" a girl who must have been friends with her sighed sadly "did you hear he wants to do dance??" a third girl laughed, Felix ducked his head down"that going to get him nowhere" Felix felt hi eyes get wet with unshed tears that he tried to blink back "forget about that, have you seen him without that mask recently?" Felix squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the hurtful words the girl was about to say causing a few tears to fall down his face. "he should have never taken that mask off. if it was me I would just get plastic surgery" tears fell silently down his face as the other girls hummed I'm agreement "I mean just a few freckles are okay but his face is covered" the girls were starting to walk away but he caught one last thing before they completely disappeared "he would be ugly even without the freckles"</p><p> </p><p>Felix skipped his last class.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>it was 2:18 am when Felix finally made up his mind about if he was<em> really</em> going to do this but after thinking it over he was just too tired to keep going anymore, with one last thought, he texted the group chat.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>2:23 am</b>
</p><p><b>Memelix:</b><br/>I don’t want tomorrow to come.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>he saw jisungs phone light up silently from his bedside table. Felix was wearing his normal clothes as he snuck past jisung who was fast asleep, opening the door and heading upstairs to the roof. usually, the door is locked but he had a taken a spare key he saw and unlocked the door before he went into jisungs dorm, leaving the key on the bedside table, opening the door and feeling the cold air of the night hit face felt like heaven. he wanted to enjoy this a little before he jumped, walking close to the edge of the building and watching as his feet dangled over the edge as he sat down, it felt nice, peaceful. it felt right to die here, under the stars and the moon.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>he was unsure how much time past until his phone chimed from next to him, at first he wasn't going to pick it up but he did anyway, he felt his heart stop and eyes widen as he saw chans name flash on the screen with a text message in their group chat. he felt bad for doing this to chan but he couldn't keep going on like this anymore, everything was too much, the words hurt, his eyes were always stinging from how much he had been crying and all he wanted to do was disappear. he opened the message.</p><p> </p><p class="">
  <b>2:50 am</b>
</p><p class=""><b>Urboichan:</b><br/>Lix? What do you mean?</p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p class="">he decided to ignore the message, he doesn't even know what to say. for 10 minutes he sat there looking at the sky, preparing himself for what he was about to do when his phone chimed again, this time he didn't even think when he opened the message.</p><p class=""> </p><p class=""> </p><p>
  <b>3:00 am</b>
</p><p><b>Urboichan:</b><br/>Lix??</p><p> </p><p>he wanted to say so much but didn't know how to say it, thinking hard for a second he sighed and typed the thing he wanted to say the most.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>3:12 am</b>
</p><p><b>Memelix:</b><br/>I’m sorry.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>he hovered over the leave chat button before closing his eyes, pressing the button and placing the phone face down. he looked back up at the stars<em> 'just a few more minutes'.</em></p><p>
  
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  <b>Memelix has left the chat.</b>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. on my way</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry about how long it took to get this out I just haven't been in the best mood recently to write anything but I'm good now! also sorry for the cliffhangers lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <strong>Thinking about about making a discord server for this story and stray kids in general. Let me know what you think</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>chan was scared- no, he was downright terrified.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>after seeing that Felix left the chat he immediately got up and started to get dressed while spamming the group chat to wake as many of them as he could, he needed to find Felix but he had no idea where to start.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  
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  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>@everyone</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>@everyone </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>@everyone </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>@everyone </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>@everyone </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>@everyone </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>urboichan</b>
</p><p>@everyone </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>the_prince</b>
</p><p>oh my god chan what?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>minbitch</b>
</p><p>chan it's like 3:16 am wth </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>chan felt a major relief at seeing the fact someone responded. he opened the door and started walking to jisungs dorm, he had offered for Felix to stay at his a few days ago but Felix had said no, something about how he didn't want to impose. he knew Felix was going through something recently and he had tried to be there for him as much as he could, cuddles on bad days, putting creams on new bruises and holding his hand whenever he noticed Felix zone out. when he looked back to his phone he realized everyone but jisung had woken up</p><p> </p><p>
  
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  <b>urboichan </b>
</p><p>go up and read the chat then meet me outside of jisungs </p><p>I don't know if Felix is okay but I have a bad feeling about this</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>grabbing his keys and pocketing his phone he started to speed walk to jisungs dorm, depending on how fast everyone moves some might get there before him as he along with seungmin and changbin lived further away than everyone else, it was times like this where chan wished he had a car. hearing his phone ring he took his phone out of his pocket and answered without looking at the name, keeping his eyes on where he was going. "hello?" he probably sounded out of breath but could you blame him? the man he fell for as soon as he saw him, <em>'love at first sight' he once told Felix only to get pushed gently in the arm while Felix blushed</em>, "Hey, yeah its hyunjin I've just got here I'm outside the building, how far away are you?" hyunjin's voice sounded as if he was just as terrified for Felix as he was but it wasn't surprising, Felix had made a big impact on everyone's life in the span of a few months. he saw jisungs dorm building coming closer and saw three figures standing outside "I'm here now" he hung up the call and placed his phone back into his pocket, walking up to the three people he realized it was hyunjin, seungmin and changbin waiting outside. when he reached them he walked past and they immediately followed him up "jeongin and minho said they're almost here" seungmin said while looking at his phone, his eyes are wide and his voice is shaking as if he was about to start crying, chan just nodded.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>when they reached jisungs door changbin knocked a few times but no one answered, hyunjin knocked louder as they heard two people come up the stairs behind them. after explaining to minho and jeongin they continued to knock at the door "Felix?!" changbin yelled a little as minho knocked, this time the door opened and a sleepy jisung appeared "what are you doing?" he asked, rubbing his eyes. chan moved past him to look around the room, not seeing Felix anywhere "where is Felix?" jeongin ask jisung while holding onto his shoulders, it was the most serious jisung had ever seen him. he tilted his head confused "what do you mean? he's right there" he turned and pointed at the sofa but stopped when he saw no one was there "what...?" he said quietly, hyunjin pulled him to the side so he could explain. "well where did he go?" minho asked as the continued to look around the room with chan and changbin "hey jisung?" jisung turned to look at changbin who lifted a keychain that had two keys on it "is this your room key?" changbin remembers what jisung keys look like, they were silver and kinda rusted around the edges while these were gold and looked older "huh? no, they aren't" jisung moved to hold the keys and stared at them, trying to figure out where they came from.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> seungmin gasped from behind him and they turned around to see him with his hand over his mouth "seungmin? what is it?" hyunjin asked softly while watching seungmin concerned "those keys... it's the same keys I've seen teachers use to open the roof when students get stuck up there." it was quiet for a few seconds, everyone had frozen when the realization hit, chan felt like his heart drop to his stomach and without thinking he rushed out the door he knew the others would follow as soon as they snapped out of whatever trance they were all in but he needed to get there <em>now, </em>he didn't even notice the tears flowing down his face like waterfalls.</p><p>
  
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  <em>please still be there</em>
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  <em>please...  </em>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. dont...please...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <strong>TW: I've said it before and I'll say it again! this story is about depression and suicide! it talks about it a lot in the chapter and I mean a lot so please if you have any issue with this please stop reading!</strong>
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  <strong>I don't have depression, everything is based on things I found online and what my friends and family have helped me with! if anything seems wrong please comment and tell me how I can change it to make it better</strong>
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  <strong> hahaha! it's finally here! hope you had a nice Christmas and enjoy :)   -bird/author</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Felix sighs as he stands up, he had been sat there for a little while just watching the stars and trying to prepare himself. he walks closer to the edge where there was a railing around it, he holds on to the top of it and swings one leg over then the other. he turns around so he wasn't looking at the roof, holding on to the railing with both hands he takes a deep breath and looks down<em> 'okay, this is it. I guess there's no turning back now'</em>  he tries not to think about it as he lets one of his hands go while the other still keeps a tight grip, ready to pull him back just in case. half of his body leans over the edge and he sticks a leg out to test his balance, letting half his body sway in the light wind he doesn't notice his other hand start to lose its grip until his body jerks forward with the sudden weight of the other side of his body. in panic, he grabs the railing so tight that you could see his fingers curl around the bar. he didn't want it to end by accidentally falling, he wanted it to be on his own terms. he breaths slowly, calming his heart down before loosening his grip bit by bit, slowly, his body tilts over the edge a bit and he closes his eyes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>the door to the roof slams open and causes a loud bang when it hits the wall next to it. Felix, not wanting them to see him, begins to let go completely. his body falls forward and he thinks<em> 'this is it. it's going to be over and everything will finally go away and he can finally just make everything stop ohmygodhejustwantseverythingtostop'</em>  but he doesn't feel himself hit the ground, instead he feels arms wrap around his waist and a face pressed against his back. with wide eyes, he turns his head to look behind himself to see chan with tears streaming down his face and the arms around his waist are shaking. he looks past chan and sees the others rushing through the door.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Felix closes his eyes and lets some of the tears slip down his cheeks "let me go chan..." he says quietly, not looking at anyone. he feels chan shake his head "you don't have to do this lixie, please" Felix opens his eyes then and turns around in chans arms, the railing in between them "but I do chan" he whispers, part of him wants to push chan away and fall backwards but there's another part of him as well, a part of him that wants chan to convince him. "Felix please don't do this" hyunjin pulls seungmin close to him as tears pore down the boys face "we can help you Felix" minho had moved a little closer while speaking "no...minho, no you can't"  Felix's face is covered in tears as he feels chans arms tighten around him "this isn't something that can be fixed minho. its always going to be there" he moves his hands to hold chans arms "sometimes it's not there at all to the point I get distracted and think its gone, other times it's so overwhelming that I can't take it and I'm just so done!" he doesn't notice the fact he's shaking or the fact that chans pulling him closer to the railing and further from the edge "I just want it to stop but it won't! if the only way to make it stop is to die? then what's there to lose?!" it goes silent, all you can hear are the cars and the wind and for a second felix thinks about using this to move away from chan and just fall but he cant, something in him doesn't want to leave and it makes him feel horrible, to think that hes such a coward that he cant even kill himself properly? "let us help" chan whispers and its so quiet that he doesn't even know how he heard it "huh? did you not hear anything I just said? you cant-" chan looks up at him with so much hope in his eyes that it hurts felix to look at him "i know, i know but kil- doing <em>this</em> isn't the only option. you said it can't be fixed but Felix, you don't need to be fixed. we can help you make it more tolerable and yes I know we can't just magically make it go away but at least it will be the tiniest bit easier for you right?" holding Felix gently but tightly, he helps him over the railing before pulling him close and putting Felix's face against his shoulder. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>felix's knees finally give out and he knows he's crying but he can't stop, the stress of everything finally getting to him and he falls to the floor with chan holding him. he feels more arms wrap around him and it should feel suffocating but it doesn't, it feel comforting, warm against the cold air of the night. he cries and he knows he's probably getting chans shirt wet but he can't find it in him to care anymore, he's just so tired of everything and he knows they might not be able to help him but at least they're trying, it's more then anyone has ever done for him before.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>for now, he will try. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>it's not over yet! I still have some chapters I want to add </p><p>thanks for reading this chapter - bird/author</p>
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. any progress is still progress</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this story is overrrr!!! i may add extra chapters in the future like little dates or stuff like that but for now the main story is over! thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed!!! if there are any mistakes then let me know! if you want you can message me here or on my Instagram     lee_felix_makes_me_uwu</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>it had been a month since the rooftop incident and it took a week before Felix could look any of them in the eyes. it was embarrassing that they had seen him in such a vulnerable state, he was worried things would change and they would start to treat him like glass but to Felix's surprise, none of that happened. the days went o the same, the bullying still happened obviously but a few had backed away after a few words with his friend group, he barely wore his mask anymore now, only wearing it on days where he felt so down he just wanted to hide but he couldn't so this was his next best option. he had been making small progress and it may not seem like a lot but for him, it was progress none the less. he had been eating more when other times he just couldn't be bothered to get food or he had just simply forgotten but now he had reminders on his phone of then he was meant to eat and hyunjin, chan and jisung always made sure to bring extra food just in case. on bad days he no longer just stays in bed and instead gets up to sit In the living room with his grandma to watch a game show. he never walked to class alone, there was always someone with him, it was mainly always seungmin and minho as they shared the most classes but it didn't feel suffocating like it used to do when people would crowd him, he felt protected with them and god that was such a good feeling to have. of course, it wasn't always like that, sometimes it would feel suffocating and when that happened they kept their distance but they stayed close enough that he didn't feel alone, they walked in silence instead of the normal chit-chatter but it wasn't awkward at all it was actually comforting. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>his parents used to keep messaging him even after they had left and after a long, tearful and really helpful conversation with chan he had realised that if he wanted to get any better then he would have to remove the toxic people in his life so with tears in his eyes he blocked his parents and all of his 'friends' from his old school so the only people in his phone was his friend group, his sisters, his grandma and one real friend from his old school called Baekhyun, they didn't talk much anymore but Felix knew he would be there if he ever needed him. the night ended with chan pressing light kisses on his forehead, dried tears and hugs. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>chan helped a lot. so did the others it's just that chan helped more in different ways, sometimes on only slightly bad days he would feel better just by having chan by him while other days he just needed to be alone for a while and he was glad that chan and the others respected that. after he had calmed down from the whole rooftop thing chan had started taking him on dates more often saying that it would be a good way to get his mind off of things, and i like watching you smile, chan had added only to watch the blush rise up Felix's cheeks. it was nice and every place they went to was either quiet or not too loud and Felix absolutely loved all of the little dates they shared, his favourite so far was one where chan had taken him to watch the sunset on a hill where hardly anyone was. it was peaceful and no thought was bad for the next few hours after that.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>still, though, not every day was good. this wasn't some fairytale where everyone lives happily ever after, no its was real life where days could start good and end badly, where just because sometimes he was okay that didn't mean he was okay all the time and where he would skip school because he didn't have the energy to deal with anyone and anything that day and honestly he was so grateful that his grandma never forced him to do anything he didn't want to. on those days his phone would buzz almost right off his bedside table as the group chat was spammed by memes from everyone, especially hyunjin and changbin, to make him feel better or even just smile a little, sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't and that was fine. because then everyone would just ask Felix to let any of them know if he needed something and then minho would send a cat emoji and they let him be. they still messaged him from time to time to ask how he was doing. at first Felix's instinct told him to tell them he was fine but if he wanted people to help him then he would need to open up a little, sometimes he doesn't even respond anything other then a yellow heart emoji to show he was still alive, he only ever used the yellow emoji if he was too tired to type and everyone seemed fine with that. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>sometimes he would lash out and other times he was quiet and blocked off but they never blamed him for any of it, he still apologised once he calmed down. he watched jisung and minho fall deeper in love with each other, watched hyunjin show more interest in things and watched as chan would hold his hand through it all as if it was something to hold them together, to make sure they would never be pulled apart as if just them together alone could face the world and part of Felix believes it. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>life will never be like a fairytale, Felix realises and you can't just suddenly make someone no longer depressed. depression shows in different ways and sometimes it doesn't show at all. but here, at this moment he is okay. he might not be tomorrow or the next day or maybe the next month but today he is okay and for now, that's all that matters, he can worry about tomorrow, tomorrow, or maybe he won't need to because he has people now who are willing to help and maybe they will distract him for tomorrow or maybe not but either way he knows they are there if he needs them and that's really all he's wanted for a long time.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i love reading your comments and thoughts about my story!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. disaster date (bonus chapter)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <span>This date has been a disaster. Everything was meant to be perfect, take felix to this really cute cat cafe not too far away, hold hands, share soft smiles, eat together and have the perfect date but no, felix had tripped on their way there and got his t-shirt dirty, chan had bought a really gross thing they had on the menu, a cat had jumped up on him and made him spill his coffee all over himself. He just wanted to have a perfect date with his boyfriend to help calm him down from everything that had happened recently but it just had to go wrong didn’t it? </span>
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  <span>They stood outside, chan in a different shirt and felix next to him. He turned around to apologise to felix “im sorry-” he cut himself half-way when he noticed that felix was trying to hold back a laugh “oi, what are you laughing at?” he tried to look mad but couldn’t with the way a smile broke out on felix’s as he started laughing normally now instead of trying to hide it like just a few seconds ago “i-  aha- it's just” felix kept cutting himself off with his own laughs “your face when the fact jumped up on you!” his adorable laughing died down a little and turned into giggles “you look so shocked” the smile on felix’s face never faded but he did get a little sad when felix covered his mouth  with his hand “i burnt myself felix…” he continued to watch felix try to calm down from his giggling, he hadn't seen felix this happy in so long, it was only ever small, shy smiles or little huffs of laughter.</span>
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  <span>If he knew that all it took to make felix happy was to ruin is shirt then he would have done it ages ago “i'm not laughing- pfft at the fact you got hurt, it's the fact you looked so done with the poor kitty that o- ahah only wanted to try some of your cake” felix’s giggles finally died down after a while, chan grabbed felix’s hand so they were holding hands “that cat should be glad it didn't eat it, it tasted horrible….” chan grimaced and the reminder of that taste in his mouth. </span>
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  <span>Chan sighed and felt Felix give his hand a small squeeze, it was always weird how Felix's small hand fit so perfectly with his much bigger one, he turned to look at felix with a pout “im sorry, this date was a mess.” felix let out another beautiful giggle, eyes bright as they stared up into chans ``i loved this!” with a smile wide on his face Felix spoke with so much joy, chan had no idea how he got so lucky to have this perfect person as his boyfriend “this was a disaster.” he swung their hands in between them, not caring about anyone who would see them “maybe. But i think that’s what made it fun” </span>
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  <span>This boy was like sunshine itself, he always loved little things like dates, cats and sweets “ i know this probably wasn’t what you planned but i still loved it” chan couldn’t help the smile on his face that seemed to get bigger the more felix talked “well at least you liked it” felix and him stayed like that for a while, just enjoying the presence of each other. Felix leaned up to give him a feather-light kiss on the cheek and Chan felt his heart melt in his chest at the small gesture “can we go back inside??” Chan is ready to say no until Felix pouts a little and all logic gets thrown out the window “the cats are really calming to me” Chan stares at Felix for a few seconds before he just gives him a nod and they walk back inside back to their table.</span>
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  <span>As Felix played calmly and being cute with the cats, Chan made a mental note to bring Felix back here again sometime so he could play with the adorable cats, watching Felix play with the kittens he felt as if he was watching two not one and his boyfriend.</span>
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  <strong>I wrote this on no sleep so sorry if there are any mistakes!   </strong>
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